Fundraising and Self Condemnation

Today M and I addressed and stuffed 101 fund raising letters and put them in the mail. I have to say I still feel a little funny asking people for money, but I believe in what we are doing (the Uganda trip) and the truth is we couldn't afford to spearhead this project without help. A voice in my head tells me if I was a better person I could have saved up my money and paid for the trip myself. But the truth is, I'm not that "better" person, and if my family and I are to go, we will need help.

Why do I hold this double standard against myself? What if I applied this same logic to the Ugandan orphans I intend to help? "If they were better people these orphans would pull themselves up by their bootstraps (if only they had shoes) and stop asking people for help." Of course, this is ludicrous. The only explanation for this dichotomy is my pride. I don't want to admit weakness or imperfection, at least when it comes to money management. I can joke about being fat, but relying on others financially makes me embarrassed. Someone recently reminded me that Jesus didn't have a job during his three-year ministry, but that he must have relied on others for his material needs like food, shelter, and airline tickets. Hmm.